The Best People Come From Montana

As I write this I am sitting here thinking that I actually don’t know many guys from Montana lol. So maybe this should really be titled “Montana girls” or really even just Montana.

So!!! Montana. Let me this tell you this and this is just MY personal experience and opinion. Yours may be different but every single girl I EVER met from Montana is like crazy beautiful… Sharon, Joslyn, Mollie & Meagan I’m looking at y’all. Also, besides beautiful, you KNOW they are badasses! Put it this way, I went to Montana once. Looking for whatever water or elixir or whatever it is going on in that state lol. I was there FIVE FREAKING MINUTES and almost broke both of my legs AND tore my right achilles. I’ll tell you the story (and yes Mollie, pictures will be included…)

My Mom and my Brother Tariq (Follow my bro on instagram @famousriqq) were living in Florida and were moving to Oregon. I flew out there to help them move and to drive the Penske moving truck back to Oregon. I wanted to drive diagonal across the country cause I had never seen or been to the midwest (I mean who has? Am I right?? haha). I wanted to see the Gateway Arch in St. Louis, Missouri. I wanted to see Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. I wanted to drive across the United States! I also had to get to this land of Montana.

We get to Montana. I get out of the truck and take a picture in front of the “Welcome to Montana” sign when Tariq and I both see some wild animals in the distance. We both climb over this barbed wire fence to check them out annnd long story short we are both running our butts back!!! haha. Now mind you, Tariq used me for leverage to get back over the fence. Then he says to me “I bet you can’t jump over the fence all by yourself”.

This is what Dave Chappelle would call “Keeping it too real” because why oh why would I even try to do this???? Why? Maaan I got my little Brother watching me, Ma Dukes is in the truck taking the pictures you’re about to see. I gotta show and prove and impress!!!! I don’t know who the heck my Brother thinks he is saying I can’t jump over this barbed wire! Says I’m getting old and my knees are even older due to the fact I had had three knee surgeries by that time. Let me be the first to tell you that this kid was RIGHT!!!! OMG! What the hell was I thinking trying to jump over that fence!?!?! My goodness it hurt sooooooo bad!! Immediately, I knew, I had made a mistake lol. Why am I a full grown ass man adult listening to a child and letting him gas me up?

I had SEVEN! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7!! Barbs stuck in my both of my legs! Almost broke both of my legs. One barb was literally centimeters from slicing my achilles heel in half! And if the fence had not been so old and loose and would’ve been tighter I definitely would have broke both my legs. That was the only thing that saved me. On the real though, I was actually stuck in the fence like a deer or something. I swear if my brother wasn’t there to pull the barbs out of my body and help I would have been helpless and just had to have waited for a passerby to help me. Imagine driving down the highway and looking out the window and seeing my black ass stuck in a fence! Broad Daylight! “Honey, is that a black man stuck in the barbed wire fence” smh ridiculous.

Tariq said I couldn’t do it and he was RIGHT!!! haha I can’t even believe I tried it. I deserve everything that happened to me for being STUPID! People from Montana know these life lessons already. Probably learned them as a child and not a dumbass adult. So much respect for all of you from Montana, you made it out, you are badass, you’re gorgeous, and obviously smarter than me! Chewed up and spit out by Montana. I’m going back though! I’m stubborn and determined. These Montana chicks cannot continue to be tougher than me while also being smoking hot. The Lord has clearly shown favor giving with both hands. I thought I was tough. I wasn’t Montana tough, but I will be!! Montana I’m coming back for you! R-O-B in the 406! Part 2 hopefully will go better lol. I’m gonna get Sharon to protect me while we root on the Corvallis, Montana Blue Devils and root against Hamilton!

As requested, here are the pictures of my EPIC FAILURE! Enjoy the laughs. It IS funny… It hurt so bad! smh. This is why whenever I hear or see or read the word Montana, I say “F%cking Montana!” And don’t even get me started on Lame Deer, Montana…