The Last Time I Got Beat Up by Robert Yarber

I shouldn’t even tell you this story! Just you don’t tell anyone ok? There a youtube video below of me explaining the story. Haha.

This is the last time I got beat up. I was in the 8th grade at Herndon Middle School in my hometown of Herndon, Virginia. At the time, these cool ass pens were all the rage. They were called Power Penz and I’ll put some pictures down below. They had ones you could shoot hoops with, other ones had race cars, they were cool! I had one of these in class right? Another kid asks me if he can check it out and I give him the pen. There were all different cool kinds of these pens and new ones were coming out all the time and I had the newest one. Well the kid, his name is CJ, gets caught with the pen. We’re in middle school and the pens were becoming a problem so teachers had started confiscating them. The teacher jams him up about the pen. He tells her in the middle of class in front of everyone “It’s not my pen, its Robert’s pen”. Wtf?! What did I have to do with this whole thing? She asks me if it was my pen and I said “No, it’s not mine. I don’t know” cause I’m like I didn’t get caught with it, why would I say anything about a pen? YOUUUU got caught with it, that’s YOUR pen bro. haha.

The whole thing is foolish really, how can someone get mad at me because they got caught doing something? This kid sits on the other side of the classroom! I didn’t get caught with it, I’m denying everything, what are talking about? lol CJ gets angry and tells me that after school, we are gonna fight! Uh oh. This is a problem. CJ is HUGE!!! Bigger than some of the male teachers! I ain’t lyin’. At the time in 8th grade, I was smaller than average. 8th grade I was 5’3 (160cm) and tiny. 9th I was 5’6 (167cm), 10th I was 5’10 (178cm), 11th I was 6’1 (185cm) and finally today I am 6’2 (188cm). I tell you all of this to say that my growth spurt came AFTER 8th grade. CJ was the size of an adult male and I was SWEATING! I’m gonna get my butt kicked man, he’s big!

My buddy Dana pulls CJ aside in between classes and tells him that him and my friends will not just let CJ destroy me. Dana told him that Robert is half his size and he needed to let it go. CJ would not and he was definitely going to be waiting for me after school and I was worried! I swear when school ended I decided it was the PERFECT time to… clean out my locker! hahaha Look, I was trying to buy time for people to leave so I sneak away. I’m not trying to fight that dude. Maybe nobody would be outside waiting?

I was not always the man I am today. I didn’t always have the “eye of the tiger”. A lot of the skills and qualities I have today I had to acquire. I acquired them through years of experiences and necessity of survival. Today, I’m ready! It’s not even a question. I wish I could go back and tell that scared little boy… to learn how to fight or something wtf you are about to get killed! hahahahaha because everyone was still definitely waiting for me to arrive.

I see the crowd of people in the distance and I’m trying to slide out quick to the left towards Jefferson Mews because I have to go through the fence there to get to my house by Bruin Park. My own homie! Dooty Judas sees me walking in the distance and screams out at the top of his lungs “There’s Robert!! Robert!! We’re over here!” Fuuuuuck, bruh are you kidding me? Look, I was not always “Rob Does It All” but I was always Rob(ert), and I know how tf to make an entrance!!! But you see, I’m trying to make an EXIT lol and my friend calls me out! Now everyone looks over and sees me! Now I HAVE to go over there! I walk over and the crowd circles tight. Its like 100 kids out there! I feel like its the whole school. Where are the parents?!?? How is this happening? Does nobody have somewhere to be? Damn!

CJ walks up, this towering hulk of a man-boy, and he says to me “Hey Robert, I’ll even let you get the first punch.”. The crowd, of clearly poorly-parented children, there to watch my beheading lets out a big GASP. I take a few steps. I load up a HUGE over hand right! Right SMASH into his face… FOR THE KO!!!! Is how I would’ve wanted it to happen. What really happened is that when I hit him, he didn’t even FLITCH! This is the type of stuff my Mama be telling me about! Bringing things out in class and showing off! I should have listened to her, damn. Now I am about to get my ass kicked!

Oh, and I did get my ass kicked. Bad! He grabbed me, turned me around, and hammer fisted downward on my head and knocked me tf out! haha omg I was seeing STARS! Do you hear me? Stars! It was like a cartoon, there was birdies and everything, I didn’t know where I was! I was OUT! COLD! When I come to, I see Dana flying through the air swinging at CJ and hitting him. THANK GOODNESS! He was like a super black super man. I had never been hit so hard in my life. He only hit me the one time! haha but I was laid out!

Thank you Dana for saving the day and then everyone joined into a big mosh pit and I got away and went home man haha but I tell you what… I am looking for CJ today! If you know CJ tell him I am full grown now and we need to run that back! lol.I’m so glad there was not camera phones then! hahahaha I would’ve went viral for sure!! Movie!! haha Yikes. For all the wrong reasons. That is the last time I got beat up and I have been in some pretty nasty places since then lol so ah! I wish I could run it back haha. But I am an adult and blah blah blah.

Dana is a real person and he’s dope af, still my very good friend to this day and you can follow him on instagram @ice_dullesfly

The pen you could shoot hoops with! It was so cool! Power Penz.

Some of the different other pens. Power Penz.