56 Months

That's how much time I have officially done in prison. That's crazy right? 5 birthdays spent in the belly of the beast! I spent half of my 20’s fucking up, and the other half paying for the fuck ups. Think about what that amount of time would do to you if you missed it from your life. Especially if it were from your 20’s. How old were you when you became a parent? If you have kids, missing that time likely means you wouldn’t have had them. How old were you when you got married? When did you meet your wife? Or husband? It’s hard to meet them while you're in prison, let me tell you. And if you have them already, it's gonna be very hard to keep them. It takes a different level of dedication from someone to maintain a strong intimate relationship with anyone that’s in prison

If you’re in a relationship right now, think about your partner. You are with them and you SHOULD be attracted to them. They should be beautiful to you. Great to be around, all of the postive words and feelings. That's why you're with them! If you feel that way about them, somebody else will too… and does! When you're gone it's over. You cannot do anything for anyone. You’re like a a child, a baby other people have to take care of. Women need MEN, not boys. You'll never be a bigger loser than when you're in prison.

56 months… Over 1700 days I’ve missed from my life. Memories I never made, times I never laughed. Imagine missing that right now from your life. What things have happened to you during the last 10 years of your life? Imagine missing 1700 days of it. Imagine none of it happening! Where would you be? What would you be doing? How different would your life be? How many cool people have you met during that time? How many business opportunities and career advancements did you make?

Because of that all goes away. Then what is your life left with? And then when the time resumes it's like it just disappeared in a blink of an eye. Boom! 56 months gone, and when you open your eyes again you have nothing. You have no clothes, cars, jobs, nothing. Then you have find a job but it’s twice as hard if not impossible to do so. I mean you made a mistake but you don't entirely feel like a different person. You are still you but to everyone else you’re like a pariah. You can't get a job anywhere. Not fast food, not janitorial, NOTHING. It’s unreal when you had a job in management before but can’t catch any type of break to help you pick up the pieces of your life. For everyone else life kept going, for you it stopped. So everyone else is 56 months older and you still feel the same way you did when you went in. Same age mentally because you didn’t go through the same social cues and life experiences everyone else did that aged them properly in the normal way. People had families. People moved away. People graduated university and got all sorts of bachelors and masters degrees. People grew up and matured. They passed you, and then they lapped you. It’s a sad feeling.

But I’m trying to grow! I educate myself in every way possible until I can get back into a university and study. I’m trying to constantly get better. Improve. Live a blessed life. Be happy. With the help of more people than I could ever know, I’ve rebuilt myself literally from the ground up. From Oxford houses, to renting a room, to my own apartment, to living all over the world! I’m a lucky one though. There are so many people in prison in the United States of America. Some will have some support, but most will not. A lot of them have release dates and they’re scared shitless about what they’re going to do when they get out. I was. The facts are that some of them are going to make it in life and some of them are not!

I know I hope I make it. Doing the best I can. Because I want to be one of the ones that made it. A broken man that helped other broken people become unbroken and then become STRONG. I don't want to be a loser. I WANT TO WIN!

“My Beautiful Nightmare: From the Bottom of Prison, to the Top of the World” My life story. Coming soon!