Flat Tail Brewery — #Robventures

Flat Tail Brewing from Corvallis, Oregon was more than just a job, it was my family! It’s not often in life that you end up with a job that feels that way. It doesn’t even exist anymore. A casualty of Covid-19, but it played a big part in my life. Flat Tail had a few owners over the years but the principle owners were Iain Duncan and Dave Marliave. Iain ran the Pub and Marliave was the mad scientist Brewmaster. Dave and I have fallen out over some dumb shit, a misunderstanding on his part 100% for sure. I don’t have any animosity toward him at all, it’s more on the level of “If it’s fuck me, then it’s fuck you too!” lol that’s childish and petty right? It is what it is. I’m not hard to find or hard to reach. Our “beef” notwithstanding, Dave is a damn beer genius! The amount of wonderful beers he created over the years is just astounding!!! World Beer Cup award winning beers and everything. He really is a very talented individual. I cannot say enough about how amazing he is at making beer.

Iain Duncan however, is the real reason I ever got a job there. Him and Kyle Davis. Flat Tail Brewing opened in July of 2010. That was the same time that I got out of prison after doing 4 years. This is before I became a cocaine dealer. In an alternate universe somewhere, I got a job there right after getting out and avoided becoming a drug dealer, user, and addict lol. In that alternate universe though, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. I’ve been shaped by my experiences. Everything happened the way it had to happen.

I did get a job at Flat Tail not that long after it opened, but at that point I was already selling drugs and just needed a job to appease my PO. I was the dishwasher and made more money than anybody in Flat Tail! How much money, and from who, will always remain a mystery. Everyone’s secrets are safe with me! I was there with the originals. The Original crew, and a lot of them I am still friends with today. Flat Tail was a great place to work and be in. The people were awesome and passionate about beer and being the best. The entire staff was full of good looking, fun ladies and gents. There was a lot of money to be made there because it was a very popular place. My first run with Flat Tail ended unceremoniously. Due to that lifestyle I was living, I ended up getting sent to jail multiple times for parole violations for dirty UA’s and the like. I was never fired, I was just replaced on the schedule and never called back in to work lol. No hard feelings at all, they did what they had to do and I wasn’t in a place mentally to be responsible, clearly. I essentially had one foot in crime and one foot in the workplace, but I didn’t really care about the job and was just using it for a cover.

My second run with Flat Tail is where I really shined and that’s where I have Iain Duncan to thank. He gave me another chance! Likely it was going against all of his better judgement, but I pretty much begged him. I really like Iain, he’s always been straight up with me. I went to prison for the second time for the 14 months and when I got out I was determined to never be in jail or prison ever again. The first time I always thought of as a freak accident, but the second time was very intentional. Now I knew I was out of chances! Now I knew I had little to no room for error, and I had left any type of drug dealing behind me. I had to convince Iain of that though.

I met Iain one afternoon during a down time at Flat Tail and we talked. I asked him for a job. For a second chance.

“Well Rob, I thought we did the second chance already?” Iain said to me.

“What? When was that? I said back to him

“You got a parole violation and went to jail for 14 days and when you got out, I gave you your job back. THEN you went to jail AGAIN for another violation and that’s when we just left you off the schedule. That there was your second chance Rob”

Fuck, Iain was right. He had already given me a second chance. It would’ve been more than fair if he told me now that I was out of luck and I had nothing coming. This is why you don’t blow your chances in life when they’re given to you. Before, I was a mess, not living right and not concerned with living right. Now, I was serious about it and there was a real risk that I wouldn’t be given a chance.

“Damn, Iain you’re right”

“Oh I know I’m right!”

“Ok well look that was before! I’m really committed this time to being a free man and not fucking up”

“What you need to understand Rob is that this is not a game to me. This is my business, my life, and how I take care of my family. This is how I provide for them. I’m not going to risk that for you. I don’t think you’re a bad guy, but I need you to be very honest with me. If you want to be a drug dealer, you’re an adult, go be a drug dealer. You cannot work for me. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

“I understand. And Iain…”

“I’m not finished. I’ve been in the restaurant industry a long time. You think I don’t know about people partying and the shit that goes on? I own this place and have a family, this is where the party stops. I want us to have fun and make a lot of money while giving customers amazing food and Dam Good Beer. If you cannot be committed to that 100%, that’s OK. You’re more than welcome to come to my bar and have a drink and we’ll be friends. But if you’re gonna work for me again. I need you to work for me and that’s it.”

“I swear to you Iain, I’m not selling drugs. I don’t sell drugs. I will never sell drugs again. I’m scared straight for real.”

“I’ll talk to Kyle about it. He is my hiring manager, but if this goes south, his neck will be on the line too. I will fire Kyle right along with you, and I’m going to tell him that!”

Now it was definitely getting real because my actions weren’t going to affect just me, but my best friend. Kyle is one of two people that ever came to visit me during the 5 years I was in prison. My Mom and Dad never even came to see me! Kyle’s my guy. I would hate for anything to ever happen to him as result of me. Kyle’s a real one. He really believed in me and hired me back despite those conditions.

There I was, big personality Rob! Robdoesitall. Where do you think he hired me? Bartender? Server? Host? Front of House? Hell no! Dishwasher! And one day a week at that! This was my proving ground and you know what? I was happy as hell to be that one day a week dishwashing! You see, I really had a mental shift and I was determined to earn my spot back at Flat Tail. Iain and Kyle especially showed a lot of faith in me and I didn’t want to let them down. They started me in the back of the house so that just in case I fucked up nobody would see me lol. I was on my grind though. I told the other dishwasher that I would pick up any shifts, anytime, for any reason! I wanted to work. I wanted to be law abiding. I wanted to do the right things.

Dishwashing lasted a whole year!!! WTF?!? There’s earning your spot back and then there’s riding the bench haha. A lot of people thought that management gave me preferential treatment, but in fact, it was the opposite!! I think, and I could be wrong, that they were so concerned with making sure it didn’t appear that I was being favored that they held me back LONGER! I was straight up stuck in that dishpit! Cleaning the grease trap and all type of shit. I really put in my time back there when nobody saw me except maybe if the door swung open and you were sitting at the bar. I really thought I would be there forever. That’s what it seemed like and then an opportunity for advancement popped up!

Prep cook! Flat Tail’s prep cook quit or got fired I can’t remember and I was asked to fill in until they found a replacement. I said yes! Of course I said yes. I needed more hours and I wanted to stop washing dishes. Well, I didn’t stop washing dishes, I just added prep cooking to the mix! Now I was working 4 days a week splitting time between the two positions. Now mind you, I didn’t know a damn thing about being a prep cook! I expressed to management like,

“You do know that I have never prep cooked a day in my life and I do not know what I’m doing right?” I said to Iain.

“Yeah that’s ok, we got a menu book. You can read right?” Iain said back to me

“You know that I can read Iain”

“So what’s the problem? You’ll be alright. You got this!”

Gotta love Iain lol, but I was very unsure that I “had this”. The damn recipe book was huge! Shit looked like the Great Book of Spells that Gargamel had in the Smurfs! They had me out there pouring gallons of milk into big ass pots! I was making soups of the day and meatloaf and all type of shit, but I had to make for an entire restaurant. It was blowing my mind and I could’ve never done that job without the help of the various cooks we had. I used to ask them soooo many questions. It was like they were doing their job and my job. Teamwork makes the dreamwork. Then another job opened up!

Hosting! Ohhh snap! I made it to the front of the house! I was still dishwashing and prep cooking. 2 days a week washing dishes, 2 days a week prep cooking, and 1 day a week hosting. Now I finally had a full work schedule. I moved out of the halfway house I was in and rented a room from a guy. I was able to save up money and then get my own one bedroom apartment. I was really grooving in life and it felt fantastic. I was earning the blessings in my life. I wasn’t taking any easy way outs or nothing. Hosting had some benefits too! I mean I was essentially a bus boy, but I wasn’t tripping because I got to talk to people lol. While hosting, I ended getting “discovered” by a local photographer and ended up with a modeling shoot on Waikiki Beach on Oahu Island, Hawaii. That photoshoot led me to gracing the cover of the 2015-2016 Corvallis, Oregon visitors guide. Repping Flat Tail was an awesome feeling. I truly loved working there and very much believed that we had Dam Good Beer too! I felt like I was the face of Team Flat Tail and I was proud to be it.

I ended up moving to serving when one day a server dropped one too many trays and was sent home and I got promoted on the spot. Iain happened to be sitting at the bar when it happened and was fed up with this particular server. Her mistake led to my opportunity. It was supposed to be temporary as she had gotten demoted to hosting and was in the dog house for a little bit, but she couldn’t handle it and quit. I don’t believe she should’ve quit. Yes, at most places when you get demoted you won’t get your spot back, but Flat Tail was different. You know how many of us have been in the dog house at one time or another?? lol Multiple people had not only been in the doghouse, but had actually been fired and hired back, I’m just one of them. You just gotta take your punishment, correct whatever you did wrong, and work harder. That’s all! That girl would’ve been got her spot, but she left and well, I’m not ashamed to say, I felt like good riddance. I was on the come up and I was grabbing any opportunities I could.

Serving led to being taught some bartending and becoming a shift manager with access codes and all! Flat Tail showed a lot of faith in me over the years and even through some personal ups and downs with my demons rearing their ugly heads occasionally. In any other business it would not have been the same. Flat Tail really was a family. We had the good, the bad, and the ugly! Like a family cookout, there were some people with drinking problems. Some people with drug problems. Rehab stints. Arguments. New children being born and running around soaking up all the love! Breakups to makeups and even marriages. There were dark days and bright nights and that one uncle that got handsy when he drank. We called him “Uncle Touchy”. That’s a true story. That guy exists. I wouldn’t trade it for anything though. Some people left and came back. Graduated and did corporate for a while then came back to the University for advanced degrees and picked up shifts again. The alumni for Flat Tail is crazy! Former Flat Tail employees have become super successful real estate agents, bankers, and real life scientists! People that ended up with Bachelor’s degrees, Master’s degrees, and even Doctorates! We had an actual rock star! *RIP Brown Town* A badass Marine! Another guy won a freaking Major League Soccer Cup!! I can’t make this up. I was serving with the guy at Flat Tail one day, and 6 months later, was in Flat Tail watching him on TV holding the trophy. Insane!

To say Iain and Kyle hired some very talented people is an understatement. They could see through the bullshit and find the diamonds in the rough. The Larry Browns to Allen Iverson’s. They never gave up on people that truly wanted to be there. The men without college degrees led a Bad News Bears team that ended up with people full of degrees! One of the guys that used to work for them now owns and operates one of the most successful restaurants in Corvallis right now today. There are multiple business owners and family men that I look up to a lot. More than they know. Flat Tail people are all across the globe in different countries around the world. I once met a traveler in Greece who was from Portland that had been to Flat Tail before and I had a shirt in my bag that I gave to her. When she got back to Oregon, she went inside wearing the shirt and said,

“A guy named Rob in Greece gave me this and said I could get a free beer.”

I had actually forgot to even tell them. They gave it to her of course and then I got a message like “Fuckin’ Rob” haha, they made the beer, they could afford it!

Flat Tail was a whole vibe. They even had one dude that ended up being a Bering Sea Fisherman, traveling the world, making movies, and running a bar in Norway!! Last I heard he was writing a book. I wonder if it will be good or not.

Over the 5+ years I worked at Flat Tail, there were a lot of era’s. From the OG’s that were day from day 1, to the “next generation”, to the youngsters, and people that were holdovers that went through the era’s with me. I was given the opportunity to try new things and be creative. They really let me be me. I was given permission to use the logo and create new shirts different from the ones for sale so our crew could be custom. A lot of my ideas stuck and it was really cool to be trusted like that. When Ma Dukes defeated breast cancer, I had pink flat tail shirts made with the ribbon on the front and logo on the back that almost everyone bought up right away. It’s a shame we never sold those publicly. Many customers wanted to support the cause. I came up with the jersey idea with numbers and funny names on the back. Tie Dye shirts & Tie Dye Friday!! It was just a lot of fun being there and I believe our customers felt that! We all wanted to be there and we wanted to serve you and ensure you had a wonderful experience. I don’t know that I’ll ever feel that again. It was like lighting in a bottle. I have so many friends to this day that worked with me at Flat Tail or were customers that I met and served. People that I have so much love and respect for. Guys that got me out of jams when I spent too much time talking or forgot to put orders in and needed shit on the fly lol. Y’all know who y’all are. EVERYONE lmao!

From the bottom of my heart I thank each and every person that worked with me at Flat Tail and went through the fire with me. Everyone that supported me or covered my ass, and sometimes had to be a part of teaching me lessons through public shaming. From the pub to the brewery, the back of the house to the front. Even that old ass cleaning guy lol. I tried to tell him like “I’m the black guy around here. There can’t be two.” haha. It was truly magical and I miss it… FLAT TAIL FOREVER!! Cheers!

Dishwasher days! Don’t even ask. Back of house is its own world! 😜

Relaaax! He was headed to a smoke break and let me snap this picture as he was getting water. NO SMOKING INSIDE FLAT TAIL.

No I did not get to drink those beers either. 😑😂

This poster hung up in Flat Tail for years until some haters got tired of looking at it and replaced it with a subpar copycat. 🤣🤷🏾‍♂️ Mine was from an actual photo shoot with a reputable photographer. Not taken on someone’s phone and blown up! 🤭

El Jefe! AKA the worlds greatest dart player. Seriously you will lose your money trying to bet against him. 😑😑😑😑😑🎯😅

I love the brand but I had to upgrade these shirts a bit! 🙌🏾

Work together, hang together, party together, and drink together. 🍻

Breast Cancer Awareness shirts. RIP Ian Crosby.

If you didn’t know, you couldn’t know. But if if you did know, you would know. 😏😉

Regulars started wanting to get in on my t shirt creations!!

Can’t take credit for these shirts. Leihua was the mastermind behind these! 🙌🏾

More than a few times customers liked my custom shirts so much they bought them right off my back! Making me go get new ones. Lol

Watching the eclipse on Flat Tails roof! 😎